Scarlet Letters

Dear red box,

You are the beginning.

My pen just stopped writing, and it's affecting my brain
It's a labyrinth. I can see corners. It's a haze
Pain, pain. Blooded pain.

Tears and rain
Fears and pain
I'll spew you out, I have patronized you too long. I'm patriotic but not this time
I've packed my bags, called the moving van. I'm moving out of your town.

                                                  * * *
I picked up a pad, you know, the one we got that friday evening after you picked me up from work. I smiled and waved it in your direction. It was going to bear my gains...
Purple, yellow, flower, green. Sticks and stones, a dog, a bone
This book is recording my pain
That pain in my gut...
I shake my head, tendrils fall. I can't shake you off
I spit out the window. The bitter taste remains
My tears dignify your existence.

Dew, cock crow, sunshine and moon
Pain, pain. Blooded pain
Cloud, lightning, thunder and rain
Pain, pain. Blooded pain
A cool breeze, before the wind that brought about the storm that rocked the boat
You don't deserve this!

You are the beginning, and you are the end!

Tears and pain
Fears and rain
Wash away...
Unashamed.

Goodnight To Love

The sound of my heart: like the beat of a festival drum
Like half a dozen mommy elephants stomping the yard
It aches and it tickles
It's awkward
It's the way loneliness feels.

My heart now feels the chill of the night
The cloak is gone
Half a swans neck
I stand alone.

Incoherent thumping
I know this feeling
I remember it from 5months ago
Wow, has it been just 5months?
When broken promises had pricked my heart
And with gentle kisses you tried to heal it.

*sigh*
Dang. I'm  rambling
Did I think this would be my style only 5months after?
Oooh lolu see what you have turned me into?
I'm now like the village town crier
Playing this gong in my heart
Because no one else must hear of my misery
They all warned me of the timing uno
"isn't it too soon?" Tolani had asked me, her voice pregnant with concern
But I was sure of this one this time around. I had assured her.

Oh Tolani, come and hold my hand
Give me your shoulder lemme cry on
Cry with me, this pain is heavy for my heart alone

"Heart aches, how my heart aches" the song is on replay in my head
I yearn for our "happy days"

*unstable heart beats*

I guess the night has come for us Lolu
And it's time for me to say goodnight.

Goodnight, Lolu. 😣

Woe Betide Me

Woe betide me!

That I open my mouth n call you a filthy pig
Even though at midnight, while I lay still with my eyes shut (or so you thought)
You creeped out of bed like a thief in the night
Your act in stealth perfected
You open her door just a creek like an alarm
She laying there, awaiting

This had become a custom
You, her, every other night, when you fools thought me asleep
Those other nights, I had wondered why you stayed so long in the bathroom
Why you stayed so long in the kitchen
Why you stayed so long in the living room
And then I had drifted back to sleep, like an overworked woman needing "these hours of sleep"

Woe betide me
That I call you and your harlot "the devils angels"
When every other night, I put down your longing and desire for my juices
And let you alone while you lay stiff hungry
Because I was the overworked breadwinner who needed "these hours of sleep"

#BrownGirl

When I was a girl,
I wore a thousand lives
In and out of searching for the thing that makes me feel alright
Ten black moments in my room
Diamond shimmers from the moon

Ten different shades of "I love you"
Then I was the girl you would woo

Ten golden rings like the sun
"oh he really loves me" I coulda sworn

Ten soft forehead kisses one day
Then the other, me. Alone. In a corner. Mourning in misery.


Now I'm a grown girl.
Pretty in my skin
Scrolls and chapters of this life that has become mine
Drops of crystal rain on my skin
Because rather than sit in wait for the storm to be over
I learned to sing and dance in the rain.

The Girl and Her Lover

Cast
The Girl: Pauline Ezeka
Her Lover: The Father


Some days it's seems I'm there...
Other days it seems I'm not
Yet in those days i feel like I'm not there, that's when I know even more that You are there. How do I know this?
I hear your voice... its calm and sweet, strong and reassuring... You remind me of many things, most importantly, of who I am in You. That's the moment You stay... You say I'm going no where, I can't leave you. 
Oh yes! I know You're there with me... I find comfort in the richness of Your voice against my ear as I find rest and safety in Your arms

Oh Father! how good it feels to be wrapped in Your arms, it's almost like resting against a super soft pillow or lying on silk and being covered with a feathery comforter... I wish I had the right words! I'm so enthralled by You!

Father, I'm so in love with You, it brings tears to my eyes each time I reveal my heart beat. what am I without You? Is life worth living without You? absolutely not! You are hope, You are life, You are love... it's true I can never get round it, or climb it, or dive into it or run farther to it... it's surpassing... it's intoxicating! I love You Father! my eyes gush torrents and my nose run, my voice changes in pitch, my fingers freeze, sometimes itch, my heart is strong, knowing this is true. 

I awake with the dawn, You are first on my mind... Your name is quick on my lips... Jehovah, Abba'm, I call You... with the clouds shifting, Your Mighty hands open up the curtains to see the face of the one who calls... It is me Father, it is me who calls... Oh but You know that already, just like You know everything else! I just always love to see the routine... it never gets old.

And then I'm with You and we talk and I cry plenty, speechless by You... I'm a child again! we laugh some, i play, dance and jump... You bring out the best in me! This is love! Your unlimited patience, Your humility, Your goodness, Your sacrifice, Your love! it doesn't hurt You to keep doing the same thing over and over again... watching over all, faithful to Your word and to every one who calls upon Your name... You cover them with light and so the "failure" of darkness cannot withstand them! they have triumphed in You! 
There is no spirit, creature, image that compares to You... 
Oh and the way You sit on Your throne! You are magnificent, eternally wonderful! You are King!

I saw the way Solomon built that temple for You with all his heart and might... everything laced in gold and other precious things... he knew You wouldnt dwell in it, because the eavens cannot even contain You. But he built it so everyone who prays looking towards the temple will be heard by yYou...and then You quickly reminded me that "in Christ, I'm being built to become a temple where God can live by His Spirit" and so I praised You in mysteries and also in tears! Everyday, Jesus is continually, committedly working on me, Your house, He's making me beautiful and precious so You can reside comfortably in all Your power and glory... What love is this?

Father, someone said to me last night, there's a calm about you, that impresses on everyone who comes around you. It's You Lord, it's You in me, it's Your home, You make Your home beautiful... I am honored to have You dwell in me, I am eternally grateful... words are not enough, even my tears won't give a bucketful! Oh but look into my heart and know for a truth... I'm so in love with YOU!

May Your love through me be continually expressed... may all men see and glory in my Father in heaven. I commit to You Lord, I am forever Yours. It s You and not me. You consume my thoughts, my words and actions will continually be of You and Your leading. I surrender completely and totally to You Father God! 

I love You... Pee.

My New World

Sweet scents of flowers crammed the air
Atmosphere electrified with harmonious songs
All sourced from the splendor of my field
Where everything obeys my every command
Yes my field, my abode
Endowed with awesome tranquility
Yet dripping with fearsome potency
And I ask myself-
Could anything be better than this?

From far-off a faint voice conveyed by the winds
Surely belonging to a queen from a fairy tale
Or certainly a goddess from a greek myth
Her grace surpassed those I had ever seen
Her voice was like lullaby-
From a faraway dream.
But why?
Why would this alien invade my fortitude?
But how could I resist?
Despite my valor I succumbed
And I fell under her spell
I sank into oblivion-
I was slowly transformed -Bryant.

I awoke in a faraway land
Where everything was different
The whooshing voices of the trees
The rustling of leaves
The freedom of insects zooming around
Nothing in this world was bounded by rules
And everyday was like paradise
Superior to everything I was used to
And in sincerity I prayed that it never ended
But nothing good lasts forever; this was a basic rule
Or could this be an exception?
But then my thots began to materialize
And slowly the world around me began to wither
Till I was left alone on an empty plane.

Days and nights passed
And emptiness and loneliness enveloped me.
As I stared at the endless horizon
I began to lament.
But this shouldn't be;
The lamentations of valiant man should never be heard
Nor should the insects of the air
Gossip amongst themselves
Their sightings of my tears,
The hills should never hear
The whispers of the trees
Conveying words of my agony,
But still I cried out in reckless abandon.
Could this be love?
Had my heart withered with that strange word?
Certainly this had to be love.
I had adhered to its awesome power
But never acknowledged it.
This had to be love.

With my concluding thots
And my tear stained eyes
The world started reappearing
And when it was fully reformed
With smiles I began to understand
Love can penetrate anyone
It mus never be doubted else it goes away
Distance cannot hinder love
When it comes, you're going down
You are nobody till you love and someone loves you in return.
And above all
I could only be Bryant in this new world -rèma

I love you.